“Womanly” potential


After “Quincineara Beat Down“, you can see that I’m struggling with a topic, and still trying to find a way to say EXACTLY what I mean.

At this point, I’m still struggling with my lack of sexual activity.  Part of it is due to my underlying illness, and part of it is due to family obligations where my partner is raising his foster son (again), and being the primary caregiver for his 80-year-old Mother. It’s a long and complicated story, but it’s sufficient to say that I’m not getting any and it’s ok.

But, just because I’m not getting busy with anyone does not mean that I am blind to the reality that women are facing today – the fact that we must be “feminine” and “womanly” before we’re anything else.

That focus on womanliness has been the bane of my existence because I’m not a girly girl.

In fact, if you’d asked me, I’m more like Mr. Spock on a good day, with everything being analyzed, especially intimacy and sexual issues.

For me, the need to don war paint, wear “feminine” clothing, and otherwise be anything but what I choose to be on any given day just feels like a fraud.  Why aren’t I good enough, just as I am, straight out of the package?  Why must I be dressed up and focusing on my appearance 24 x 7 x 365 in order to be “womanly”?

No answers here, but it’s still lingering in the back of my brain as the liver doctor wants me to see a nutritionist (which appears to be code for bariatric surgery), and I want nothing to do with that request if it involves surgery, or if it means I’m going to lose weight.

My weight is part of my wellness program (moving to CA 33 years ago and putting on 60 pounds happens to be choices that allowed me to live much longer than expected, AND stay out of the hospital).


2 thoughts on ““Womanly” potential

  1. I’ve NEVER understood why it’s mandatory for women to be frilly to be considered feminine. I think I’m feminine as heck, and I never wear make up (any more) – the new stuff makes my skin worse (rosacea) and stuff like mascara? Fuggitaboutit! The dry eye that has caused my glaucoma is worsened greatly if I put crap on my eyes. As a youth and as I’ve aged, it’s become apparently that my ‘style’ (if you will) is casual.

    I love lace and velvet and beautiful clothes SOME TIMES, but to wear it every day? Not happening. To go out of my house with my hair perfect, makeup intact, and dressed to the teeth is stupid. If someone isn’t impressed with the really real ME? They can lump it. When I worked there was a reason to get gussied up and look professional, but now I’m retired. F*ck that noise.

    Jeans and t-shirts and those long night shirt/dresses are my garb these days. Because I am comfortable with who I am. I think you are too and if society insists we HAVE to girly it up? I think whomever is doing that must be male. Whatever they are, they’re fighting bigger odds than they know. My opinion is that most women (at least in America) dress to suit themselves. Demand the right to do that. The powers that be are trying to take away women’s autonomy by banning things like choice about what to do with our bodies, and other common rights. The fuq they gonna tell this old broad WHAT TO WEAR!! It’s good to see and read you writing again! I’ve missed this kind of dialogue! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve missed you too, Sparks, more than I can say since I’m mostly on fb and you’re mostly in the blogosphere.

    As for the “womanly” appearance and pressure thing? I guess it’s all this pressure to look “youthful”, to have some work done, and for one of our female persuasion to always appear attractive and “doable”. In this age of “grab ‘em by the p*ssy!”, my inner Queen is at the forefront for, “Never without my permission”, and I’m kind of grateful that my hormones calmed down enough so that I’m not hot and horny all the time.

    Still a big believer in wanting to look attractive to my FWB, and willing to give any sexual interest 15 minutes to see if my engine will warm up and turn over when he has time to play, but otherwise very happy to be running around as a white haired old lady, a “Queenager”, with not a care in the world about my physical appearance beyond being, “neat, clean and presentable” in a wholesome, effortless and sexless way.

    So much less stress to not be worried about my wrinkles, weight and f*ckability.


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