Attitude Problem

This Summary of my attitude problem in mid-August, taken from my profile on my social community page,, is being reposted here as I am still trying to find my balance.

Almost a month after I wrote this, it’s still very true:

19-AUG-17 – The insurance company that finally granted my matching salary benefits in April, after 18 months of denials, is now gearing up for Round 2 of benefits denials as the insurance rules change after 2 years of collecting matching salary benefits (even though the policy I paid into says I should be covered until retirement (age 67; 11 long years from now).

It is so aggravating to be reminded of all the things you can no longer do, or should not even attempt, given worsening health (horseback riding, rowing, downhill skiing, just to name a few), when all you want to do is concentrate on what you CAN do, and on not being angry all the time, mourning your losses, or trotting your limitations out for others debate.

I have been covered by this insurance company for 90% of my working life, at least 30-odd years of premiums to them vs. a different company. That’s 42 years of working, and paying premiums. To have them deny me benefits for pre-existing conditions was one thing when I was able to work to make enough to pay for both the useless medical coverage as well as my actual medical needs. But, to have them continue their attacks after I’m disabled and have been confirmed disabled is maddening.

I must find a way to fix my attitude problem, but for now I’m really struggling to find my blissful denial of reality. I just want the endless paperwork to go away.

The insurance company also started this fight 6 months before the review period starts, in March 2018. Their focus on grinding me down in Summer, the best part of any year for me, just makes me more determined to be treated appropriately and fairly.

There are no winners in this benefits fight, as even when I win what I’m due, I still feel angry and ugly inside, unsettled and defensive. Dealing with my attitude problem is no way to live and maintain my health, so I have to find a way to let it go and shake it off or the depression it’s trying to cause will only add to my issues.

So, I’ve got a bunch of blogs in “draft” mode, and we’ll see if my time away gives me new perspective to publish or trash them at some point.  For now, though, they are simply simmering on the back burner.  Thanks for your patience while I work to get my head on straight.

4 thoughts on “Attitude Problem

  1. You know I’m here rooting for YOU whatever your attitude is. I understand all too well the struggle that you’re facing – except that I told the insurance folks to take a flying f*ck. Your situation is aggravating and would be so to even people like Ghandi or Mother Teresa I bet, so don’t be so hard on yourself for feeling honest emotions over something hugely unethical and unfair. I’m sorry all the same and realize that and two cents might get you a cup of coffee at a McDonald’s or somewhere equally cheap. I’ll be here when you feel more settled or am here to listen if you wish to vent. Take care of YOU whatever the circumstance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you. Every day is a struggle right now, and the stress of remodeling and worrying about finances is adding to my issues. I have enough savings. I have enough to live on. Why I’m OCD’ing on this topic is beyond me, but it will get better given time.

    I do appreciate your kindness, though, and will find my footing at some point soon, I hope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I get the finances worry. I’m having to count every penny and am contemplating dipping into my rainy day fund because this month has (so far) been expensive..and ‘pay day’ is two weeks off. It’s scary and it’s something that nobody enjoys. But it WILL be better presently. For both of us!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I hope you do ok this month. I hate watching my 401K decrease. Taking $10k out to handle upgrades to the home is particularly scary. I think have enough to avoid a second dip, but only time will tell. I ***hate*** not being able to work to resolve my anxiety, add to my coffers, and keep busy.


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