This Summary of my attitude problem in mid-August, taken from my profile on my social community page, http://www.MyCOPDteam.com, is being reposted here as I am still trying to find my balance.
Almost a month after I wrote this, it’s still very true:
19-AUG-17 – The insurance company that finally granted my matching salary benefits in April, after 18 months of denials, is now gearing up for Round 2 of benefits denials as the insurance rules change after 2 years of collecting matching salary benefits (even though the policy I paid into says I should be covered until retirement (age 67; 11 long years from now).
It is so aggravating to be reminded of all the things you can no longer do, or should not even attempt, given worsening health (horseback riding, rowing, downhill skiing, just to name a few), when all you want to do is concentrate on what you CAN do, and on not being angry all the time, mourning your losses, or trotting your limitations out for others debate.
I have been covered by this insurance company for 90% of my working life, at least 30-odd years of premiums to them vs. a different company. That’s 42 years of working, and paying premiums. To have them deny me benefits for pre-existing conditions was one thing when I was able to work to make enough to pay for both the useless medical coverage as well as my actual medical needs. But, to have them continue their attacks after I’m disabled and have been confirmed disabled is maddening.
I must find a way to fix my attitude problem, but for now I’m really struggling to find my blissful denial of reality. I just want the endless paperwork to go away.
The insurance company also started this fight 6 months before the review period starts, in March 2018. Their focus on grinding me down in Summer, the best part of any year for me, just makes me more determined to be treated appropriately and fairly.
There are no winners in this benefits fight, as even when I win what I’m due, I still feel angry and ugly inside, unsettled and defensive. Dealing with my attitude problem is no way to live and maintain my health, so I have to find a way to let it go and shake it off or the depression it’s trying to cause will only add to my issues.
So, I’ve got a bunch of blogs in “draft” mode, and we’ll see if my time away gives me new perspective to publish or trash them at some point. For now, though, they are simply simmering on the back burner. Thanks for your patience while I work to get my head on straight.