While I continue to be a disrespectable fat girl, trying to find a way to enjoy my quality of life despite my chronic aggravations of health issues and weight, I have made progress with my endocrinologist as she’s agreed that – maybe – I should try Metformin.

Not to rub her nose in it or anything, as my fasting (another frowned upon activity with diabetes) has seemed to get my A1C from 7.1 down to 6.6, I’m all for trying the Metformin in the hope that it will fix a number of complications I believe relate to my overall health from inflammation.

Nobody has time for pain, and certainly not pain related to unchecked damage causing Cirrhosis of the liver.


So, we’ll see how it goes and if she prescribes the Metformin.  Nothing but fun, fun, fun around here.  How are YOU doing?

Debates. Counters.

I find it amazing that I’m getting care suggestions from my health insurance company, and my doctor says, “No”.



Not only “No”, but lets put me on Atavastatin, an anti-cholesterol Rx.  An anti-lipid treatment that may help my liver issues * OR * do further damage.  (Emphasis mine, as it really feels like someone is cavalierly flipping a coin to make a decision in the medical literature).

Clearly, the topic is still out for debate regarding whether or not an anti-cholesterol Rx will do good, do nothing, or cause additional damage.  So, feel free to experiment with my body !

What’s really gaslight-level strange is to then open the mail to see an actual recommendation from my health insurance company recommending that I discuss the value of Metformin with my doctor during my next visit.


I don’t pretend to be a doc, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but… it is funny to think that a treatment I researched on my own turns out to be EXACTLY what the insurance company has determined will cost them the least amount of care funds in the long run.  And, it’s even funnier that it’s the same treatment that my endocrinologyst rejected out of hand.

Of course, the discussion about pain was even funnier as I know I feel pain, point it out for where I think it is, and then am told that I am mistaken about my own pain.



According to the above graphic, I’m a card carrying member of the NAFLD or NASH brigade (Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease).

Add in tell-tale pictures of my lizzard-like spotted neck:

and one presumes that the very expensive CT Scan came back with the right diagnosis.

Nope.  Because I cannot point out where the pain “should” be for liver disease (in the abdominal area, apparently), and I point to my right side and lower back on the right, I must actually be suffering from kidney issues.

… Even though stock pictures for both liver AND kidney disease show these same two images for where I feel the pain resides.

So, I have no answers.  I started my anti-cholesterol Rx yeserday, and my right side is back to killing me for sleeping or rolling over while trying to sleep.

Not much left to say except that the fun with COPD just keeps giving and giving.

Rafael and company

young hadsome man with cracked face looks in mirror

Leaving my comfort zone is always a way to learn new things, be exposed to different ideas, and to remind myself that we are not all alike.  And that it’s ok that we aren’t.

On this trip, I started the day with “Rafael”, and ended the journey with “Rafael”, our Uber driver.  (The photo above is from another blog, and has nothing to do with the actual Rafael, even though the brooding mirror image gave me something to work with for illustrating this blog and his part in our journey).

During the trip, I met a bunch of people that got on my nerves (not a biggie, but part of leaving one’s comfort zone), and it reminded me of just how selfish we (and I) have become in the good old USA.  Trust me, we are sadly lacking in decorum and manners, and could do with more respect for others vs. always having to be “on” when in a group of strangers.  I came to see the world, and instead dealt with my own pettiness for lack of manners.

Chrissy, the dining room attendant, was so obnoxious that I sat on my complaint letter before sending it in this week.  Let’s just say that someone with a Bouncer’s view of life should NOT be in charge of something reputed to be a fine dining establishment.


This next one, Mr. Obnoxiously trendy skater boy, was determined to shock everyone and ruin the trip for all who encountered him (mostly families with kids and the elderly). He spent most of the first day drinking to excess, having sex with Ms. Traveling Alone (separate image, below).  How do I know this?  Because they both came out of the bathroom after 20 minutes together looking disheveled, pants unzipped and naughty bits dangerously close to being exposed.  Hmmm…











Then, we come to the girlfriend of the moment (I presume), Ms. Traveling Alone but-must-hook-up-with-a-guy (i.e., Skater Boy’s chick of the moment).


Not sure what else she had going for her, as she was way too busy being a groupie for Skater Boy, and I didn’t get any idea of who she was beyond being a convenient piece of sexual furniture who thought it very daring to be obnoxious in the Scenic Lounge (communal gathering area to enjoy the scenery), while determined to put on a show of her own.  Sad.

Next, it was Mrs. Finding-Myself-because-I’m-not-old-enough-to-be-stuck-staying-home.

Mrs. Finding Myself complained about her coach seat accommodations, then over dinner (no one was allowed to eat alone) reminded us all of how much money she and her husband had made in life, and then told stories of all the places she’d been on the cheap (why???? if you have so much money, why not enjoy it???).

The saddest part was how fancy free she was now that her son was grown and her husband was busy with his own life, and yet she seemed desperate for an audience to hear her tales of adventure.  I couldn’t figure out if I was supposed to be impressed, envious or her cheering section.

Mostly, I was just bemused that she was alone and working so hard to impress strangers telling stories of all the places she’d been and all of the things that she’d done and how wonderful it was to be all alone.  Always.

2012 Summer TCA Tour - Day 2












(Many of these folks in the images are famous – I took their pictures because they illustrated a moment and an impression of a person, and not because of any underlying comments about the artist portrayed in the images depicted).

One of the saddest moments came when an Onslow lookalike (from the PBS show, “Keeping Up Appearances”) had a medical issue and needed to be removed from the train on Friday afternoon.


He and his wife were enjoying a lovely trip through the countryside, and it appeared that he was not feeling well for most of Thursday.  Come mid-day on Friday, a crisis occurred, and he had to be taken off the train and sent by ambulance to a nearby hospital.

I’m thrilled that he was out and about and doing what he and she wished, despite any health issues, but sad that their trip ended in that way for them.

Anyway, the upshot of this story is that I’m glad I went and was away during some of the recent craziness.  Trust me – I can do crazy all by myself, without help.


Crafting for Sanity


I knew I was losing my mind when I seriously considered “mealenders” as a solution to my diabetes woes.

Background: the lawyer is making me crazy with his / their latest version of a declaration, and while I do have a short lifespan, I don’t want to spend my final days in the pen for killing him (lawyer) or her (paralegal).

I have been having trouble sleeping as I’ve been trying fasting as a way to control my blood sugar

I am still ticked at the endo deciding my issue was portion control and over-eating vs. understanding that I eat normally – 2,000 or less calories a day (usually about 1,800 calories or 600 calories per meal – at a rate of 2-3 meals per day).

Being unable to sleep, though, because hunger pangs either keep me from falling asleep, or keep me awake once I’m in bed, is extremely aggravating.  And that’s before we consider the 5,001 pee breaks necessitated by all the water I’m downing to try and keep my belly from hurting.

Add in declarative b.s. statements from my lawyer, corrected multiple times, yet receiving each fresh draft with whole paragraphs of falsehoods that I’ve never seen before, increases my anxiety and hunger.

Plus, the continued delay for building my new sun porch is getting on my last nerve.

While I’m trying to be good as I’m seeing my endocrinologist later this week, the levels of constant frustration for the months of July and August are NOT helping me find and keep my balance.

So, I’ve started the 2017 “Crafting for Sanity” tour.

Right now, I’m into rehabbing Goodwill items into a variety of bird feeders in the hope that something will click at our upcoming show.

While the ugliest bracelet I’ve ever made (the concept DIDN’T match the finished product) sold at our most recent show, I’m just feeling drained and whiney.  Very whineeeeeyyyyyyy.

I can hear the clock of my life ticking, and it’s getting on my last nerve.  Time to get busy to drown it out !

Or this:


Here’s hoping I have some sales this weekend to make my open defiance of the lawyer’s edicts worthwhile.

I can manage my own luggage.

I can drive my car.

I do need lots of breaks and naps.

I am diabled, and not bedridden !



Today, I see a “wealth manager”.  The goal is to see if I can find a short-term investment which will enable me to invest my money in a very protected account to grow my savings, in the hope that I won’t run out of funds before I pass away from this illness.

I am very worried about 45’s craziness and a related stock market crash, so I’m trying to figure out if I can put my $ into cash and avoid the volatility of the stock market over Der Cheeto’s remaining term, as well as create a stream of income in the event I lose my matching salary disability benefits.

Of course, in the middle of all this, the lawyer has been driving me crazy with more insurance paperwork (harassment, if you ask me), and I’m about to take a train trip to Colorado, which will be another thing on the lawyer’s “no no” list.

Playing phone and email tag with the Lawyer’s Paralegal, I’m now worried that the conversation is going to linger into Thursday / Friday, making it impossible for me to get signed documents back to them (when I sent my preferred version 2 weeks ago!) because they’ve been unhappy with what I sent and they have been dragging their feet.

So, I’m about to travel from CA to CO via a sleeper car on a train, making sure that the 7,000 foot change from sea level to mountains happens slowly and gently.  Making sure that we have a sleeper car so that I can rest when needed and on demand.  While also hoping to enjoy this train tourism adventure while going to visit a friend in CO.  Wish me luck, because this looks like it’s turning into the usual madness.


A matter of degrees

Harassment = non-violent, irritating; intimidating.IMG_5080

Eve teasing an evil act in business lifestyle!








Assault = violent.  In cases of criminal charges, physical contact must have occurred.IMG_5083







Sexual Harassment = irritating and inappropriate touching, usually of a sexual nature.  Verbally irritating and inappropriate remarks or behavior.  Sexually-related pressure used to deny objections between individuals due to a power imbalance based on gender or authority.  Inappropriate touching which goes beyond cultural norms (handshakes, hugs, shoulder pats) to a grey area where ANY type of physical contact can be inappropriate based on one person telling another, “do NOT touch me (specific reference to unwanted touch).

businesswoman suffering work sexual harassment and abuse of boss








Sexual Assault = this one should be clear.  One person says, “No.  I do not want sex.  I do not want sex with you.”








However, with two recent incidents in the media, I have to ask:  Where has our societal and gender perspective gone?  Must everything have an agenda?

I feel like we are dumbing down legal nuances which have value and situationally appropriate consequences to make everything equally outrageous, diluting the message’s value and building a level of solidarity that weakens perspective and impeding cultural progress in changing circumstances.

The picture above, “my body is not public space” is a perfect example of an agenda statement.

Ditto the comparison between the mentor / shoulder clap, and the boob grab photo.

No way are they the same thing, however, they are being treated as if they are equally heinous.


Ashley Judd’s airport facebook live is a perfect instance of someone with too much time on their hands setting the stage for an “agenda” protest where she was unhappy with the too-familiar language of the TSA (male) officer calling her “sweetheart” vs. “miss” or “ma’am” when talking to her while going through security.  (You’ll have to google the actual videos, as I can only find them embedded in other stories vs. as a standalone video).

Taylor Swift’s situation, on the other hand, could be taken as appropriate (it’s in response to a lawsuit by someone who was fired in response to her complaint of inappropriate touching – sexual assault – in response to his lawsuit demanding $3m because he was fired due to her complaint).


Not sure what’s going on in the world, but Taylor’s team is firing back with a sexual assault case (vs. sexual harassment) for the inappropriate touching which reportedly occurred during a meet and greet.

While I appreciate Taylor’s vigorous defense of her personal space autonomy, I’m disappointed that it’s not being filed as a “harassment” case vs. an “assault” case.

We are so agenda-driven in this country on the “rights” issues that we are losing perspective on small battles vs. important skirmishes.

Ashley was right, but didn’t need to publicise the video on her situation as it comes across as very self-serving, pandering, and an ego driven abuse of celebrity / power simply to make a point against a guy who is an anachronism.

Taylor was also right to complain about the butt grab, but the consequences become a he said / she said that is only partially resolved by a picture which appears to back up her complaint.  A complaint that shouldn’t require backup, but which is relevant because the DJ is suing her (the deep pocket) and not his former employer, for wrongful termination.

As a country, we appear to have lost our minds.