The biggest challenge I’ve dealt with this Winter is the constant implied, “you’re a cheater”, “call this number to report fraud”, etc., etc., etc.
In this land of Capitalism, we seem to forget that Capitalization doesn’t do us any good without perspective. Our without compassion.
I have been in the process of losing a friend of 42+ years due to the tightness of the leash I’ve had on my opinions (really! for those of you who talk with me on FB – trust me – I’m being VERY diplomatic to keep all my lines of opinion-spouting separate).
As we have aged, I’ve pretty much kept the same line of logic that I’ve always had, except that I’m faster to stand up for others, and to fight for zero restrictions on others’ actions.
This other person, once a very dear friend, has gotten on my last nerve with her insistence that she already “gave at the office” (my words), and that there is no room for improvement in the world. It’s her way or the highway for philosophical matters, and I’m just at a loss for how to keep the relationship alive in a healthy manner.
I am also dealing with the fact that she has a husband and children, and feels free to relocate in the world as part of her life plan, despite her age, and has no understanding that I already moved and found my home, and won’t be moving any time soon.
If she’s not chiding me for my unmarried state, she’s unhappy with my opinions of euthanasia and abortion, and also seems to feel that I’m goldbricking my disease because I try and walk a few times a week, swim or bowl when funds permit, and also check in to facebook to blog or game with other friends.
I think the logic goes, “If you’re well enough to do all that, you need to get back to work… like the rest of us WORTHWHILE, CONTRIBUTING MEMBERS OF SOCIETY people”.
Yes, I’m adding the coloring to the attitude I’m getting, but when you couple it with fighting with the insurance company, it starts to get old. Really old. Then, add in being unable to afford one’s meds. (Hey, I’d like to hurry up and die – please don’t kill me sooner from lack of medication, ok? But especially when you make legal euthanasia so hard to achieve). Add in the fact that I’m struggling with a home that I never wanted to own (but am trying to enjoy in order to afford the rest of my life), you may be able to understand that I’ve been a mental mess that largely resolves around the “Am I good enough just as I am?” question of life.
Darn it ! I know I’m good enough. It’s just that sometimes the fight gets too much, and I just need a break.
Meanwhile, in the middle of my midlife crisis, my business partner injured her leg and I was trying to be a good and supportive friend for helping her out without taking on her anxiety or bringing her down with my issues.
Can’t say I have it all under control, but life has been pretty busy and things are getting better. Yes, I am good enough just as I am.