Burning Bridges


I don’t do my best when I’m frustrated.

The stupidest things I’ve ever done in life have happened when I’m tired, hungry or frustrated.

I don’t know whether it’s part of my ADHD brain and learned coping skills, or I just lack the discipline to put up with things that are “supposedly” unchangeable.

I do know that I have about a years’ worth of tolerance for legal b.s. before I begin to lose my mind.  I guess I have reached that point with my disability lawsuit and the lawyer currently running my case.

I’m sitting here, worried about covering my medicines, worried about covering my housing expenses and affording food, and hoping that money which is due to to me (profit sharing, RSU shares, etc.) will begin arriving next month.  How to survive until next month is the biggest issue, though.  Especially if the money doesn’t arrive.

So, I wrote the lawyer asking questions about an update to my case (now not likely to have any kind of updated information until mid-April or later).  I also asked about signing up under the “Ticket to Work” program promoted by SSDI to see if there was a way I could earn some money, and find a way to offset some of my uncovered expenses.


I, of course, got back the usual b.s. about, “If you want to quit your case…” and, “You cannot work”.  No real answer to the question I asked about timelines and survival, beyond stating that they didn’t have any hope of making any kind of progress until April (at the soonest), and advising me to not do anything until I heard back from the lawyer.

Yes, the only one I regularly interact with is the paralegal.  Lovely woman, but frustrating when one is in a holding pattern and survival is on the line.

So, I’m waiting to hear from the lawyer with an *sswhipping “official” letter next, since her initial response was so unhappy.

Why do I even bother to try and make sense of being on disability?

It’s clear that the powers-that-be in this country want us all to hurry up and die.  Leaving me on a minimal income, without leaving enough money to both eat and pay for my meds plus shelter myself from the weather, as that rational outlook seems to be too much to ask.

While we do have the “Death With Dignity” act in California, supposedly in support of euthanasia, you still have to have it all legally documented (maybe $3k to $5k), and it has to be done well before you actually want to exercise that right.  Sad.  Spending more money on the issue isn’t going to improve or change the eventual outcome.


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