Breathe

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I’m feeling really overwhelmed financially, and being trapped in the house with endless days of rain doesn’t help me manage my stress.

My financial stress comes from the fact that I don’t have enough in my SSDI allowance to live on, and to afford the crafting materials to keep busy when trapped inside the house for days on end. If I’m indoors, though, that also means that I’m juggling my need to heat this tin can of a home, and stay awake when COPD wants me to just sleep and sleep and sleep.

My financial stress also comes from the fact that I can see where my employer is gambling that they won’t have to pay my matching salary benefits (as promised in the employee handbook, and as paid gor through my labors and my insurance payments while working there for 4+ years).

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As someone who was born with birth defects and who managed to both survive and take care of myself while wotking for 42 years, it’s especially bothersome to be smart enough to be able to read and adapt to my changing circumstances, while also seeing where the man is sticking it to me.

I’m sitting here in my 60-odd degrees home (I don’t dare put the setting near 70 degrees, as that will really screw the pooch for covering my expenses), eating the best food I can afford (lots of beans, dggs, rice and noodles – way too many forbidden carbs), and just counting the days until March, when I’ll find out whether or not I’ll get profit sharing.  Or, if they will say that’s not allowed (despite what’s in the employee handbook for workers on leave or disabed), or find that they paid it, but then clawed it back because they say they improperly paid me about $12-$15k last year, and the judge has yet to rule on my case.

Having that $147k of funds on my pay stub as a potential debt owed to me, plus having them prevent me from accessing my 401k because I’m still, technically, employed, is maddening.

I’m doung my best to just breathe and hang on, but being patient is not my strong suit.

2 thoughts on “Breathe

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