Not into “company”

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  1. My sloppiness and clutter isn’t dirty, but your crap must be picked up / gone.
  2. Incessant talking gets on my nerves.  Even when I’m the incessant talker.
  3. I am not lonely.  I can entertain myself for days if not weeks and months.
  4. Being with people is exhausting.  Especially on some randomly designated holiday.
  5. I prefer to putter at my own pace.  Don’t worry; I’ll catch up when necessary.

So, the holidays are here.  I’ve been dealing with various offers of dinner, etc., for the last 6+ weeks, and we’re almost through the time when I am forced to socialize more than I would wish to, and can thus go back to doing my own thing.

I don’t know what it is about couples or families (not my own) that feel you MUST be lonely if you don’t share a meal with others on Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.

Seriously?

I feed myself 365 days a year, and I enjoy company from time to time.  But, to pick a random day and designate it a holiday that “must” be shared?  Nu-unh.  Just not into it.

When my Mom was alive, I’d go home at Thanksgiving so that I could avoid the drama of Christmas (and to drop off the presents for everyone while I was in town, so that the little chore of “celebrating” was accomplished before the crowds stacked up in the panic to get everyone “something” to show that you remembered them).  Since then, it has become clear that presents aren’t a 2-way street, so I’ve been very happy to drop that routine as the kids became adults (yes, I’m a bah humbg type of gal, unless I’m out and about and find something I think you’d like and stock it for an appropriate gifting occasion).

Christmas hasn’t been my thing since I was about 14-15, and my father caused yet another scene that  had my Mother calling the cops, and which subsequent reaction had Mom trashing the creche and the tree and the house because he “ruined” the holiday by demanding that he stop by with gifts for us, even though he refused to pay child support or cover any of the bills that he stuck her with when she kicked him out for infidelity and disrespect.

It wasn’t my fight.

I didn’t / don’t have a dog in the race for knowing who was right or who was wrong.

I can just tell you that Christmas and such has always been about the kids.  Sharing the day with the cousins as the extended family got together, and taking the kids to the movies to get out of the way of the adults as the after-meal discussions began.

As my siblings got married and had kids of their own, and after I moved away, Christmas became less and less important as I just wasn’t into the drama and the tension that surrounds unreal expectations.

Don’t believe we’ll ever get our Hallmark moment as a family and am frankly not looking for one.

I’m ok with my life.

I chose to be single.

I like peace and quiet.

Would I like to go back and spend time with the family if everyone were still alive and we were all looking for an excuse to hang out and share the day?  Absolutely.

But, that’s not my life anymore.

That hasn’t been my life for the last 30+ years, and certainly not for the last 11+ following my Mom’s passing.

When you look at the homilies about what others are suffering and who to “remember” on social media, it just turns me off.  Can we please have one day without remembering to thank our Vets, our Police force, our Nurses, our Enlisted, those suffering Cancer, anyone alone and without resources?

(Updated this blog to show the most prevalent / recycled / irritating examples added in the last 24 hours):

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I get it, we need to include others who might be feeling alone.  I even loved the advertisement aimed at a single Grandpa:

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While the advertisement is a riot, it also speaks to the presumptions of the image that we present to the world and what others presume we do with our spare time.  Sitting around, lonely, waiting to be contacted by “forgotten” loved ones.  Too uninspired to go out and build a fulfilling life on our own.  Just because we are (dramatic pause)…

da, duh, dah, dauuuhhhh….. SINGLE !

I agree that there’s nothing more aggravating that someone sitting around, bemoaning their lives, waiting to be entertained.

Frankly, that’s not me.  It’s never been me.  And I get tired of being gracious and thanking folks for their pushy invitations when I am perfectly content with my life, and may have plans of my own.

So, I’ll continue to keep my own counsel as anything more I write here will sound like sour grapes vs. the reality (that I’m freezing, and dislike a lot of fuss).

When is Summer coming back to Northern CA again?  I’d like to go fishing, but it’s way too cold.

 

5 thoughts on “Not into “company”

  1. I’m reading a lot of similar posts as this holiday season winds down..people worrying about what to ‘do’, what to buy, if Auntie Smugglemugg will be offended if they don’t get her something..etc etc. Last year my brother from California and (most) of his children (one had married in April of that year and wasn’t there..I think she was with her new husband’s family) were present at the brother in Utah’s house. I didn’t have gifts for people. It was seven mostly growed ‘children’ and two siblings and their spouses…eleven people, right? I was trying to start a tradition of buying nut boxes (Western Nut Company has good stuff) and giving them to folks – who like me were maybe tired of all the sweets and/or couldn’t eat the damn sweets anyway. The Utah sibling smashed that idea by saying he was bored with the idea and couldn’t I think of something FRESH? Aw fuck that. So this year I haven’t gotten a single damn thing for any of them. The stuff I did have and the stuff I received were or seemed to be wrong. A bottle of expensive scent from one sister-in-law – who never got the message I hate spicy perfumes…give me floral or citrus over spice. I didn’t have anything at all for her; and the other sister-in-law got a glass canister – the ones you can set on the countertop and put anything in? She found some crumbs in it (where from I have no idea..I hadn’t used the thing and got it new) and my brother accused me of giving her a cast-off..so BAH HUMBUG. I’m just not doing it anymore. I don’t want anything either (not in a Scroogy way, I just don’t need anything) and these people just make me itch. Relatives tho’ they be. I’m really dreading Christmas Day, and thinking of plausible excuses not to go hang around with them – mention of politics being a favored topic and we don’t agree. Boredom and a largely inappropriate meal (they don’t ‘get’ what diabetes is and resist being educated)…I want to stay home, listen to the Christmas songs I love and cry about the things that are gone, eat my ham dinner (made by my own hands), snuggle with the dog and watch A Christmas Story and A Christmas Carol as often as they play them. Go to my church services and just reflect on the meaning of the day. Next week is another nieces’ wedding and that is making me sick. Literally. I don’t want to go. Gawd. Where’s the Hallmark version of happy families and joy? Take care Joanne, whatever you do for your day. Enjoy it. Pull out the woolies and wrap up. (that sounds weird given you’re in California..but hey! Cold is cold!)

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  2. I hear you, and you’re much kinder than me, even trying anymore to put up with the nonsense. Do what works for you, and don’t go to the brother’s if it’s going to end in drama. You can only be abused if you show up to allow it, right?

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  3. Oh, and Hallmark’s happy families myth is just like my bubblegum romance myth. None of it exists, but we love the idea that it might. I wouldn’t give up Hallmark or my romances for anything, but I’m not expecting to meet a werewolf or go off in a space ship any time soon. It’s that whole boundaries issue that works for me.

    Say “no, thank you” and mean it. Don’t back track, but especially don’t back track if you’re anxious before you leave to join them, and then upset once there. No “family” is worth that kind of tension and drama.

    Take care of you first.

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  4. Well I went and it wasn’t as bad as I expected – don’t we always blow up the unpleasant things and make ’em bigger? Well I do. Only had one real blow out with the sibling from Utah being an asshole. He expressed surprise when I got angry at his nit-picking. His wife made him come apologize (que surprise!! She never gets involved) and I think he got the message that he can’t just go around saying anything he likes without consequences. I’m glad I went, simply because it got me out of the ‘me me me” mind set for a while and reminded me why I love driving. Hope your New Year’s was happy!

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  5. Oh, I’m so glad you went and that you worked through the drama with your brother – excellent !

    As for the driving, I hear you. My New Years has been fine, but I have been doing marathon sleeping, which I hope stops soon. Take care.

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