Brain Fog


The graphic for this blog was posted by a friend from the COPD website.  While I laughed, it also highlighted an issue that I’m fighting – brain fog.

A great example of brain fog came from today’s errands.

Woke up with a congested and bloody throat, and couldn’t get it clear.  Tried the Aerobika exerciser, etc., but the sore throat was persistent.  Rather than schedule more errands on a home that I’m not sure I’m going to be allowed to buy (if the deal doesn’t go through, I’m not going to be allowed to buy a unit in the park, I fear.  2 failed tries means that I’m out of options) I decided to deal with my headache / breathing issues by going for a salt inhalation treatment (“Halotherapy”).

However, regardless of how carefully I chose the time and scheduled the appointment;

Regardless of the fact that I arrived on time for the appointment;

Once I was there, I spaced out over what time it was.

Seriously, I set my alarm clock to alert me that my appointment ended at 1:45pm, when the appointment didn’t even start until 2pm, and should have ended at 2:45.

To make matters worse, I looked at the watch on my wrist, certain that something was wrong, but could only see that the watchface said 2pm (instead of 1pm, which my brain was insisting was the actual time of day), SO I RESET THE DANGED WATCH ! ! !

While I can still tell, eventually, when brain fog is setting in and driving me crazy (usually after the fact, as in, “humph… my alarm didn’t ring at the end of the appointment”), I worry that things are getting worse with me.

If I’m unable to tell when I’m missing things, will I even be aware???

Kind of scary, but it is what it is right now.  Some days are better than others, but brain fog days are challenging.


Daily Prompt: Muse


via Daily Prompt: Muse

Not sure what’s going on between my ears, but I’m in love with the thought of getting my own mobile home and painting it in colors resembling the ideas shown in Las Vegas.

No, not flashing lights, but the Sunset or lightening enhanced ceiling colors, and blue water, sponge-effect ocean water colors.  More abstract art than factual (as in, I don’t want specific animals or flowers on my walls, I just want the “gist” of water and sunset as a way to keep me upbeat when my world is otherwise squeezed into a tiny home.

Outdoor Murals inside

No, this crazy muse won’t be to everybody’s taste, but she’s prodding me to consider decorating my home like it was a stage set in, “My Fair Lady” (upper right), or, a bedroom in “Hook” (lower left), or something truly magical like the Rainforest Cafe Ceiling (with lighting effects included).

While I’m still working on closing the deal for my home, thoughts of paintings are running through my imagination.

My Muse is one crazy bit of inspiration this week…

Daily Prompt: Stubborn

I got this

via Daily Prompt: Stubborn

I normally try and keep it clean, using symbols in place of curse words.  Today isn’t one of those days.  In fact, this week hasn’t been conducive for it being one of those days.

Despite COPD making me suffer brain fog, and general exhaustion, I’m determined to purchase a mobile home so that I can afford to live in the area where I choose.  I don’t want to forego friends and routines by moving 2-3 hours away to live in Merced or Turlock, and I’m stuck dealing with a psycho Seller because I’m so stubborn.

Yes, I could cancel yet another deal, and go my merry way, awaiting the perfect mobile home to purchase.  But, I live in reality, and the pricing has gone up over $100k in the period of a year for units in that park, so my attitude is showing its horns as I try and close this deal despite all the drawbacks.

Yesterday’s drama?  The Seller is trying to stick me with yet another of her bills, a value of $750-ish, when I agreed to only pay $650 – and only for the month of August.  The bill she’s submitted is for the month of June.  June!  Seriously.

Hacienda blocked info

There’s not a lot that will make me pull in my horns once I make up my mind to be stubborn, and I’m afraid that this is going to be one of “those” fights.

While the money-grubbing Seller might have an argument for me to pay for the July / August period (it’s a stretch, but I’m willing to listen), there is NO WAY that I’m going to pay for two months of space fees when I agreed to only a single month, and when I can’t even hope to have the unit in “livable” shape via cleaning / painting / floor replacement, etc., until September at the earliest.

Just not gonna happen.  Yes, I’m stubborn like that.

Drama and Anxiety

Customer Service Agent

Yet another day of anxiety, dealing with drama and trying to make sense of incomprehensible “requirements” necessary to turn my hoped-to-be-home into my actual “home”.

I have been jumping through hoops to pull this deal together, and it’s so frustrating to me that the most innovative companies in the world (supposedly), when it comes to dealing with one’s finances, still do everything by fax and hardcopy.

I faxed them in a copy of my final paperwork on Tuesday, 02-AUG-16, knowing that we were trying to close by today, Friday, 05-AUG-16.  Also knowing that my 401K hardship withdrawal would be automatically closed / cancelled and I’d have to re-apply if I missed that now-arbitrary “loan application process” date of 12-AUG-16.

Today, not having heard anything further from them since Tuesday (even though their portal updated with a note to confirm that they’d matched up my fax to my application), I chased them down.  Apparently, they have 1-3 days to make a decision (fine), but having made the decision, they have no impetus to update me as to what the decision may be.

Today’s decision was “DENIED”.  Apparently, I failed mind-reading 101 in terms of which paperwork they needed, and instead of calling me, they just sat on it.  All while the clock is ticking down to the 12th of August – next Friday.

Also, because the paperwork I sent them had today’s date on it for “settlement” of escrow, it was also “DENIED” because today is actually in the past.  Clear as mud, right?

So, another $50-odd in faxing, copying and overnight charges, and I’m chasing the clock again on Monday to see if they will have what they need to complete my loan approval, or if I need to re-apply for my loan because we’ve missed the date (again), and need to start the loan application all over again because the 12th really is in “the past” as of the 10th.  Since they need time to actually issue the payment, and won’t do so if there isn’t at least one day before the payment is issued and the target due date.

Needless to say, I turned into a screaming maniac on the phone.  Again. I really don’t like myself out of control and angry, but as I’m going through this nightmare of a bureaucratic process, I’m finding that’s more like my status quo.  Frightening if that’s going to be my new normal…

Screaming woman on phone 02

I’m watching my savings disappear at an alarming rate, as I pay for this thing and that thing, and I don’t like it at all.

Fear of Reality

Color Pallets

Or, should I call it “fear of adulting”?

Just about ready to sign on the dotted line for the 40-year-old mobile home, with all of its related costs and rehab expenses, and I’m stuck in a color wheel of fear about making the wrong choice for colors, and ending up in a money pit.

I’m also laughing at myself for channeling my Mom, Betty, as every color I’m thinking about choosing is suddenly an “in” color according to the design experts.  Ha !  Betty would be amused to see that I’m following her style choices for being cutting edge.

Meanwhile, I fear I’ll be in a money pit for all the other costs, of course, but the most necessary choice is to scrub everything down, and then paint.  For cleanliness sake, if nothing else.

Everything will get a 100% wash of white, and from there I’ll then decide how much color to add with a sponge technique, in stages, providing that I’m tall enough to actually reach the ceiling while on the step ladder.

I’m thinking this might work for the overall theme of the home (after sorting through the colors above):

Color Pallets - Mobile Home Choices

While it may sound crazy to have a “sunset” colored ceiling, I’m thinking that I want to add the most color there to make the room look bigger (they are 8 foot high ceilings, if I’m recalling things correctly), while still leaving the rooms themselves mostly white with a beach-themey color scheme to make me feel like it’s Spring / Summer when I’m trapped indoors all Winter, depending on my health.

The Office (the rear bedroom) will be done in shades of pale Pink, Yellow, Black and Chartreuse, since I have a pink cherry blossom wall art appliqué tree that I’d like to try to install in that room.  I’d really like to try a leafy green color pattern as an impressionist style on the corner of the ceiling / going down the wall to carry through the wall art tree theme for the pink blossom appliqué, but it’s really too soon to tell if I have enough energy (and talent) to carry through my thoughts into real life.

I have two bathrooms, done in 1976’s glorious harvest gold for the tubs and related fixtures, so I need a way to warm up the space without making it all girly and Barbie pink.  The bowl of fruit colors show what I may end up shooting for, which will help to put more pink / coral warmth in the two bathrooms and link back to what’s in the cherry blossom colored office space.

Most of my time will be spent in the combined living room / kitchen, and I’m toying with the idea of making the ceiling have a bit of sunset warmth in pinks / purples without going to a dark ceiling.  (I’m moving to tarantula country, so must be able to SEE any spiders in the home, which a dark ceiling negates).  Other than painting everything white to start, and picking out a neutral putty / white / grey for the floors (a great beach color), I’m still on the fence for how to bring the feeling of the ocean indoors through the color scheme.

Not a big fan of kitschy “themed” knickknacks, so it will be the color alone that implies beachy theme once it’s all done.

As for my bedroom, I’m again having to replace the front and rear windows due to Sun, Water and Termite damage.  While I’m playing with having a gated french door installed at both ends (faux balcony, so that I don’t have to install a deck), I’m thinking that the french doors will help with air flow if it’s cool enough to have the A/C off, yet not so cold that the doors need to be closed.  Both bedrooms also have side windows, so the doors could remain closed all the time, for privacy, and I could still have air in each room if I chose to open the side windows.  It could also be a safety exit for both rooms should there ever be a fire.  Mobile homes can burn to the ground in 17 minutes, tops, so moving into a unit with gas utilities is really vexing me.

Yes, this is really how my mind works.  It goes in circles from fear to anticipation to disaster preparedness to finances.  It will all work out, but I’m getting stressed just thinking of it all.