The painting above, by Maximilien Luce, shows how I am at various points, most days.

While I am conserving my energy and resting when I can, I do have bouts of productivity which belie my general malaise.  Raining days are rarely if ever “productive” days, as the very dampness in the air slows me down, and the rhythm of the rain on the roof entices me to sleep.

How then, to justify to the powers that be, that I’m ill without quite being at the Camille, on-my-deathbed stage?

Just found out this morning that my 401k loan terms have changed.  The repayment of $7k in January may not have been made if I’d known that they will no longer allow me to take a loan from my existing account to keep my financial obligations under control until the decision for Long Term Disability (LTD) has been made.

The last thing I need right now is more aggravation about things I cannot control.  While I have money coming to me eventually, the dates are further out than when rent is due for the end of April (May’s rent).

When making consideration for COPD finances, there really needs to be a special section telling you how to pre-plan and budget for zero income for 6 months to a year.  I thought I was on top of it, but clearly, I was misguided.

Luckily, I’ve been paying everything as I go, so I’m hopeful that I’ll get through this all without too much aggravation.  The last thing I need is yet another battle to fight.

One thought on “Languishing

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