Pro-choice kills friendship?

This is going to be a messy one as it’s a document in support of another post:  Heretic.  Heresy.  Hubris?

To recap:  I am starting to hate Private Messenger on facebook as people will say stuff in private that they’d never have the balls to say face to face, or over the phone, or publicly via a posting to my fb wall.

The name has been hidden of the other correspondent, as – whether the relationship lives or dies – this is my pet peeve and I have no wish to out her for interference by others who aren’t involved in this conversation.

Feel free to add your 2 cents below if you wish to cast a vote for who is out of line (it could be me – maybe I’m being too sensitive).






The conversation begins privately, based on something I’ve posted in support of Planned Parenthood, and for which the other party won’t accept, “Stop.  Let’s agree to disagree.” as a genuine compromise.

I feel attacked, like I’m dealing with a religious sniper.






Meanwhile, I tried to get her on the phone, as she kept on in this passive-aggressive vein, and I couldn’t get her to stop.  It’s funny, but she claims to have “not recognized” my phone number, even though I believe I’m the only one she knows in this area code ~3,000 miles from where we grew up.  (Sigh)



Didn’t get an answer and then the conversation moved on through time to discuss Boston and the Oscar-nominated movie, “Spotlight”:






Then, it starts to get to the point where I’m offended as she cites her traning as a biologist (even though she works as an Admin and has never used her college degree in the field for which she’s trained) for why she’s right and I’m wrong.






I’m not sure our friendship will survive if she keeps disrespecting the opinion boundaries and trying to make it personal.

Luckily, after 15+ days circling around and debating this issue, she’s once again gone silent.  That may have much to do with the 3 hour time difference between us, but I’m grateful for anything that stops the drama.

3 thoughts on “Pro-choice kills friendship?

  1. My vote? She’s having some other issues besides arguing her point of view of abortion. The leaping off topic and onto unrelated and seemingly abrupt comments about other people and what’s going on with those people and that sort of behavior makes me wonder if she’s lucid. Or she’s passive aggressive and that’s her way of taking time to regroup. I don’t think you’re being too sensitive at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks. She’s lucid. We all just don’t type well when fired up or tired, and our thoughts often overwhelm the speed of our fingers during a private message. Plus, you’re seeing an edited version of an even longer series of conversations that fb links together vs. letting them stand alone, as they did in earlier versions of private messenger.

    The other people mentioned are her own. One, Kate, is in her mid-20’s and called me out on a pro-choice posting I made last year on my wall (as is her right). It was handled respectfully for the wall (public) debate between the two of us, with neither changing our opinion, and nobody getting flamed.

    Maggie is the third child and younger daughter, just about to graduate high school with honors (this woman takes “proud Mama” to a whole other level).

    In Maggie’s case, she was forecast to be a Downs Syndrome child in utero, and so the friend is particularly proud of her decision to accept all the children that God blesses upon a marriage, and is using Maggie’s brilliance as a supporting argument as to why abortion is wrong – because the world would have been deprived of the brilliance of Maggie’s impact on the world if she had aborted due to the Downs labeling.

    Truly, it’s a circular argument she’s making as we’re debating two different things when discussing a woman’s right to choose for herself and her child:

    – I’m saying the woman has the right, regardless of the outcome of the choice
    – She’s saying the right to counter biology falls into “God’s” divine plan, so any choice is forbidden

    I wish she was as enlightened as you, but last week she sent me some Catholic church crap about a 6 year old being the result of incest and rape and what a blessing it is that the child is here, getting more believer’s for Jesus. I would never condemn the child, and am fine that the 19 year old Mom is happy with her choice.

    However, I’m also at a loss to understand why exploiting the Mom or the child is a “good” thing. Due to the Church-sponsored speaking engagements of the Mother and child to talk about the blessing this child is in the world despite the violence of her beginnings, I am appalled that a child who doesn’t understand predatory relationships or rape (in a real sense as a mature adult) is being indoctrinated, exploited and put on display for a Church Doctrine reason. Cultish? Absolutely.

    The Mom was 12 when she was pregnant / gave birth, so she didn’t make her own decision without adult interference or direction from her caregivers. Catholic Charities or some other Pro-Life / unwed mothers / foster children organization (I presume) made the choice for her, and the Mom’s been just as used (she and her baby) as some sort of Church-sponsored show pony ever since.

    Ewww, but tolerable. Fine even. One has to pick their battles, as so I often remind myself:

    “Not my monkey. Not my circus.”

    As long as the child and her mom are being cared for (housing, food, a college education, etc.) during a time when many are suffering additional abuses in foster care after being removed from their homes due to the predatory actions of the adults in their lives, it’s all good for me.

    This is a tough topic, though, and I really believe boundries must be managed for diametrically opposed viewpoints to not kill a decades-long friendship over transitory issues that don’t specifically involve either party to the debate.


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