Home is where – part II

Fix yourself

As I wrote in an earlier post, “Home is where you go…”, I’ve been trying to help out a senior friend of mine with regard to getting prepared to move into her own mobile home, courtesy of her family.

However, as with all events lately, there’s been a spanner in the works.

C’s older sister has mild dementia.  It means that she doesn’t remember much for new memories in the short term.  She repeats a lot, but generally knows who people are, has happy and sad days, and is doing ok as long as she’s living in a protected and calm environment.  However, the older sister, N, is married to a Doctor (yes, capital “D” for his eminence), who loves to stir up drama.

Unfortunately, C chose to go to N and D for help in having a temporary place to live, and from there it’s evolved into the nieces wanting to get C set up with a mobile home, because D was all overwhelmed and bezerk, and then D becoming a megalomaniac over C’s living arrangements, financial issues, etc., etc., etc.  Background:  D’s life is messed up because his wife isn’t waiting on him hand and foot anymore (he’s in his late 70’s, so you have an idea, I’m sure, of the kind of housewife he’s always enjoyed, the the spoiling he was used to. etc.,), before N began to be effected by dementia.

So, while C was very surprised and pleased by the offer to get her a mobile home, that was never her request and never her goal.  It was something offered to her by her nieces.  And, everything was looking well until D lost his mind over how bad “C’s” life choices had been, her dependence, etc.  All for the cost of a home that’s less expensive than many car loans, and which everyone in this picture can afford.

C was told that the home had been purchased, but then was subsequently informed that the nieces were taking over her finances.  Immediate red flag.  Especially since it hadn’t been discussed prior to the purchase of the home.  (Which, update, it now turns out was NEVER purchased.  Red flag # 2).

Chris s new home 12NOV15

C persevered, though, as she was under an eviction notice from the landlord / friend, and the time limit was running out.  Cut to the chase in this drama, they picked up all of C’s large items last Saturday after some drama with the landlord (she didn’t want anyone in her house), and the nieces drove away with the bulk of C’s belongings.

Sunday night, after the belongings removal, however, one of the nieces then informed C that she was “too handicapped” (whatever that means) to take care of herself, and that they were moving her into assisted living instead of the mobile home as discussed and agreed upon.

So now, C’s having a meltdown.  Decisions are being made without her involvement, her money is being allocated (verbally) for expenditure without her consent, and her monthly costs have gone from an estimate of $800 (both mortgage and land use fees) to $1,100 and living under “supervision”.  No discussion, no negotiation; just a done deal.  A deal that she didn’t sign up to in concept or in actuality.

Crazy.

So, I talked my friend off the ledge momentarily, but (at the time of the first draft of this blog) we’re still dealing with the reality of trying to figure out if the unit has been purchased (leaving me to deal with her family and finances), or if we can go and see the unit and put down the downpayment and related credit check so that I can purchase it and live there short-term with her, while things settle down for both of us.

Yes, it would reduce my expenses tremendously to spilt such cheap rent with another person.  But, it would also mean that I’d be moving 2 hours away from where I’m currently living in order to have a roof over my head while working out the details of the ultimate ownership unit.

I’d have a roommate, and while that’s not an ideal situation long-term, it would be a workable solution for the both of us to reduce our expenses short-term, while we figure out what’s happening with my disability, as well as getting C stablized in a place of her own.  I can always move out later, leaving her to assume the mortgage, after she gets her own situation straightened out.  Or, I can remain the landlord and then have a quitclaim deed signed so that the property evolves to her in the event of my passing.

Lots to think about, but since I was already on this road anyway, earlier this year, it’s something to consider while trying to determine if the deal is doable.  And, if I can get approved for this new loan knowing that my disability status is still up in the air.

This will also give us time to lock in the place while seeing if the nieces will calm down and co-sign as long as I’m there in the interim, and before my friend gets her knee replacement surgery.  Whatever, we’ll figure out something, if the Gods are willing and the bank agrees…

I am just a really liberated woman, and get aggravated at some man taking down my friend because her situation is not to his liking.  My friend being homeless is not to my liking, but that’s life.  We all have to do things that we might not otherwise consider.

3 thoughts on “Home is where – part II

  1. Wow!!! It’s strange (to me anyway), that while we’re fretting and worrying and adding stress to our lives – it goes on anyway. And usually the solution falls right into our lap when we stop fighting ourselves over it. I think all of this is a lovely scenario – and I hope the best for you!! The roommate thing is not optimal and I bet there’d be drama (given the characterization of the people you’d have to deal with) BUT on the plus side? You get a home. That is YOURS. Is the two hour thing a big deal now that you’re taking time off with the end to possibly quitting altogether? Is the weather suitable or even better than where you currently are? Another plus (from someone outside the situation)…you don’t have to deal with dodgy landlords and asshat neighbors living on top of you and in close proximity with cardboard type walls. Negatives are dogs (will Katie get on with them?), the people you’ll have to deal with in private life, and your own sense of justice for your friend. But it’s a POSSIBILITY and that’s always better than just waiting. Well to me. And apologies for hijacking, once again, your blog! 😀

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  2. Actually, until I found out this morning that she has 2 years worth of tax liens (that she knew nothing about) on her credit report, the goal was to buy it under a 5 year plan and transfer ownership to her.

    In the short-term, I’d have to live with her as it would reduce both our costs. In the longer term, I’d have to see if I could get out of living with anyone and transfer ownership to her as she buys her way into the property.

    But… Not putting anything in her name until the tax lien is resolved, as I wouldn’t want the feds to take it over.

    Right now, I’ve been busy researching exercise options and amenities, as well as job options if I can’t get approved for disability, and it looks like it might be a possible deal to put together. I’ll hear back from the realtor later today if they will allow both dogs and my cat in the same home (most parks have a 2-pet limit to avoid pet hoarders). As for Katie – she’s a bully and would be fine with the dogs. She did well enough with my Aunt’s 2 dogs. But… I’d also put up shelving and the kitty tree near the bookcases to allow her to climb along the ceiling level so that she could get up high if she doesn’t want to deal with the 2 dogs.

    For now, though, it’s all simply possibilities until I get updated info from the Realtor. Time will tell what will be.

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  3. And, ultimately, I’d still want to be in the local area vs. 2 hours away as I’ll be really stuck for doctors / support system if it turns out that I get sick to the point where I can no longer drive. So, we’ll see. 1 day at a time as they say…

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