Home is where you go

…and they have to take you in.


Blew two days this week sitting and breathing, trying to get up and get moving, but not able to get out of my own way.  Monday was easy to understand, as it was raining (our first big storm of the season), so I wasn’t going anywhere.

Wednesday didn’t make any sense at all, other than it was fallout from the nerves related to the talk therapy session.

Yesterday, however, I spent the day running around with my senior friend trying to get her license re-issued since she will be buying a mobile home in Sacramento, and will need to be signing papers.  Or, so we thought until yesterday.

Unfortunately, she has zero survival instinct for taking care of herself vs. spending thousands of dollars on a lost cause (an older pet with unstable diabetes, whose treatments left her further impoverished, and who had to be put down a year ago due to illness).

So, it was a landmine of diplomacy conversations yesterday as she was weighing her options and trying to come to terms with the fact that she’s going to have to give up control of her finances if her family is going to set her up in a home of her own.

Luckily, we seemed to get through everything reasonably well, and the mobile home has been purchased.

C is embarassed for everyone to be judging her and the decisions she’s made to get her to the point where she’s at right now, but the upshot is that she’s coming to terms with the fact that she’s just not managing well and has nothing to lose by having what amounts to a financial “guardianship” so that she’s not ending up homeless and on the street.

We talked about how to approach her niece (who will be handling her funds) and asking for a walking around “allowance” of $5 a day – $35 a week – so that she’s not feeling completely strapped at giving up control.  We talked about the fact that she’s not doing well with seeing what’s directly in front of her face (she lost and found her replacement wallet and phone again yesterday), and accepting the fact that someone else handling her money while moving her into a mobile home of her own may turn out to be wonderful.

C showed me the pictures of the unit, and it looks bright and airy and clean.  It will allow her to keep both of her remaining dogs with her.  And, she will also have a home with its own washer and dryer.  Bonus !

Losing control of chaos is very scary for C, but she’s sucking it up and moving forward with this plan.  I am hopeful that it will all work out, and that no amount of unrealistic demands are going to screw the pooch for getting her out of her current living situation and moved into a fresh start.  “Home is where you go and they have to take you in”, as the quote goes.  Hopefully, this will all be for the best.

*************** Credits ***************************************

Salem, MA, port.  Harbor photo by a cousin.

3 thoughts on “Home is where you go

  1. Is that mobile home idea an option for you in the future? It sounds wonderful and I’m glad for a happy ending to your ill friend’s story. Good on you for helping her too. I don’t know your circumstances, but I will say that it’s extremely freeing to have your own space. That you own or are buying or whatever. Where, although you are responsible for repairs and maintenance, you don’t have all the worry and bother of landlords and shitty neighbors (well the shitty neighbors are just a fact of life where ever one might live I guess). But the freedom and feeling of accomplishment is wonderful. Plus (practical side of the coin) it’s equity that presumably is an asset which one could fall back on if one needed to. Best wishes! I hope you aren’t harsh on yourself because of the breathing issue. It’s merely a reminder of why you’re doing what you’re doing right now. And therapy isn’t easy and can invoke panic attacks and stress – which might just show up physically for some of us. Take care sweetie! Looking forward to your next post too! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks, and yes, it’s an option for me. Once I get my situation resolved and get my credit back up to where it was earlier this Summer.

    I made an offer on a mobile home in a park that I liked, and ended up backing out of the deal because the place looked like a money pit. And because I couldn’t get my 401k fund managers to make sense on what they were telling me.

    I don’t want to own my own place, but it’s a good solution to control costs so that I don’t have to move to the boonies.

    Basically, I had a FICO score of 815, found a wildly overpriced unit in the same seniors-only, non-profit, rent controlled park where my business partner resides, got pre-approval to use $50k of my own money ($40k as a down, and $10k for anticipated repairs), had park management approval on the purchase, had the mortgage approved, and then, when it was time to write me a check for $50k as a hardship withdrawel on the unit’s purchase, they would only give me $33k from my 401k (not allowing me to take out the money for repairs or earnest money deposit repayment back into my cash savings).

    Couldn’t get them to explain why I had a letter with $50k pre-approval and only a check for $33k in hand (with the costs of the repair estimates rising) so I cancelled the deal.

    At this minute, my FICO score is down to about 655 (couldn’t believe it took that much of a hit over this fiasco), and with all the forecasts of El Nino and flooding dangers for this Winter, I’m kind of ok with waiting to try again until next year.

    Just did my second 401k loan last night to get through the current drama for being out on disability without anyone paying my salary, and my goal is to not exceed $40k as the 401k hardship withdrawal so that I’ll still have $40k to put toward a new home next Summer, once I have my income situation stabilized.

    If I screw up and drain the 401k, then my fallback position is to move to the boonies and get a senior park by Sacramento (where my friend, C, is going) as their unit prices are about $25k to $50k, vs. the $80k to $250k (and crazy lot rents) that they are near Silicon Valley. Otherwise, my primary plan is to still get into the Morgan Hill park as it’s on the bus and train schedule, if I have to give up my license, and would still allow me to do shows with my business partner locally without having to first drive two hours to get to her house and load the booth properties before we headed off to our show venue.

    C has been watching my adventures in trying to become a reluctant homeowner this past Summer, so it helped to sell her on the idea that people who live in mobile homes aren’t “trailer park trash”, and that the lower costs in a senior park will really help to conserve a limited income and stretch the budget while still being able to live in a safe, protected neighborhood.

    Until I get my income / disability situation resolved, though, I’m still in limbo. Talked through this whole series of events and my budget with the therapist on Tuesday, too, and seemed to get her blessing that my thinking wasn’t skewed. So, I’m doing what I can to behave with my funds while also looking around for a new job further south, closer to the desired area (and away from the damp ocean weather which wreaking such havoc on my breathing), and we’ll see what happens.

    One fallback position that my company has come January 1st (if I haven’t qualified for disability) is to terminate me via layoff or firing, so we’ll see how things go between now and then for resolving my current stalemate.

    I’m lucky that recruiters are still reaching out to me each week with temp jobs, so I could certainly take that route and see if I’m well enough to hold any of those jobs or end up fired because I can’t keep up and shouldn’t be working – as is the argument before my current employer. Truly, this whole disability ‘adventure’ isn’t going to be over until it’s over. But, I think I have most contingencies covered. Hopefully.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s