Many of us make a joke out of our memory issues to reduce our fears of it becoming reality. One of the little-discussed issues with COPD is the impact it may take on memory.
I am not a smart person. Labeled with an IQ of 80, I have to work at being insync with the world around me, as left to my own devices I live in the moment am and largely indifferent to society’s pressures. In my humble opinion, the world is crazy and I can’t fix it. Certainly not on my own.
The picture above shows my concern with ignorance of what’s right in front of my eyes, in favor of panic and desperation while I franticly search to recall an important conversation or reference at many stages in a day.
Certainly, my panic increases if it happens more than once in a day. As an educated COPD caregiver, as well as a member of a family with high levels of dementia or Alzheimers, the least little omission can trigger a cascade of fears that I’m losing track of important information faster than is reasonable. But then I calm myself down by remembering just how vulnerable my NV Auntie is, and she still has managed to live alone and cobble an independent life together. Ah, that old competitive gene – “I can’t be that bad… Look at so-and-so…”
I spent 2+ days this week trying to remember the NAFTA agreement from the 1980’s. Such a stupid thing to obsess over, but a perfect example of why I feel my disease is creeping in and taking over essential parts of my life, so it’s better if I’m not out there negotiating million dollar deals.
I have never been a patient person.
Patience has never been my strong point, but as I’m going through this process of “qualifying” as disabled, the mind games for making me crazy are incredibly aggravating.
I have so much to get done for formalizing my health care proxy and revokable power of attorney, as well as my final will and testament. Finish dealing with ownership of my baby brother’s grave. Setting myself up in a low-cost, sustainabe living situation. So, to feel I’m losing my memory is not something I have time for or even want to consider dealing with right now.
And you? What’s your pet fear on this lovely Friday morning?