Memory and Retention


Many of us make a joke out of our memory issues to reduce our fears of it becoming reality.  One of the little-discussed issues with COPD is the impact it may take on memory.

I am not a smart person.  Labeled with an IQ of 80, I have to work at being insync with the world around me, as left to my own devices I live in the moment am and largely indifferent to society’s pressures.  In my humble opinion, the world is crazy and I can’t fix it.  Certainly not on my own.

The picture above shows my concern with ignorance of what’s right in front of my eyes, in favor of panic and desperation while I franticly search to recall an important conversation or reference at many stages in a day.

Certainly, my panic increases if it happens more than once in a day.  As an educated COPD caregiver, as well as a member of a family with high levels of dementia or Alzheimers, the least little omission can trigger a cascade of fears that I’m losing track of important information faster than is reasonable.  But then I calm myself down by remembering just how vulnerable my NV Auntie is, and she still has managed to live alone and cobble an independent life together.  Ah, that old competitive gene – “I can’t be that bad… Look at so-and-so…”


I spent 2+ days this week trying to remember the NAFTA agreement from the 1980’s.  Such a stupid thing to obsess over, but a perfect example of why I feel my disease is creeping in and taking over essential parts of my life, so it’s better if I’m not out there negotiating million dollar deals.

I have never been a patient person.

Patience has never been my strong point, but as I’m going through this process of “qualifying” as disabled, the mind games for making me crazy are incredibly aggravating.

I have so much to get done for formalizing my health care proxy and revokable power of attorney, as well as my final will and testament.  Finish dealing with ownership of my baby brother’s grave.  Setting myself up in a low-cost, sustainabe living situation.  So, to feel I’m losing my memory is not something I have time for or even want to consider dealing with right now.


And you?  What’s your pet fear on this lovely Friday morning?

2 thoughts on “Memory and Retention

  1. Why Medicare Drug “Insurance” is making things so much more complicated than they need to. It’s also my pet rant this lovely Friday. Idiots abound. All we can do is keep swimming, swimming, swimming…
    And in my opinion you’re not losing your memory per se – it’s probably the stress that’s causing the symptoms. I know just after hubby died and I was terrified out of my mind – the scenario of living on the street kept looming larger and larger, I was getting dunned by everyone and their aunt gracie, my car was repossessed (well that happened BEFORE he kicked off..but still the car company were being awful about the situation) and on and on… if you’d asked me then simple things like my phone number (which I’d had for most of the time I lived in that house), or my SSN or even what hubby’s b-day was, I couldn’t have said. I kept ‘forgetting’ details of things … after the stress was over and things settled down I found that the details and memories came back no problem. Also, there is a theory now that doing things like crosswords and anacrostic puzzles and games actually helps build the memory up and early studies are showing that while it’s not a cure for Alzheimers (no cure that I know of exists)…it DOES slow the progression. Some happy thoughts for your morning perhaps! Take care and have a lovely weekend! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I hear you on the Medicare insurance paperwork. Older Americans are vulnerable to exhaustion and cognitive issues, and the paperwork gets crazier and crazier as we age.

    I never realized the car was repossessed – my, you were really put through the ringer. I’m very happy to learn that you think things got better once you got through that horrible time and back out the other side.

    I’m a big fan of games of all types, too, and do what I can to stay stimulated through games, walking and swimming. Whatever I can do to help myself, I do it. I hope you have a great weekend, too.


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