Today’s goals – 11am exercise class


I was on the run yesterday from 9:30 in the morning to 9:30 at night.

The goal was to help a friend take advantage of the ticket amnesty window to clear up a long-standing violation in her life.  Her current friend / landlord has given her a 60 day eviction notice, and the two of them are fighting like cats and dogs, so it’s an unhealthy living situation.

This friend was in a horrible car accident in June, where a woman ran a red light and side-swiped her, totalling her car and bringing to light the fact that the woman was driving without a license.  She’s been on crutches since then, needs a knee replaced, and is battling her insurance company because she either is in denial or doesn’t understand what she did to contribute to this nightmare.

In 2012, when this problem first began, my friend had let her car registration lapse due to lack of funds.  While I paid her registration in March-ish 2013 once I learned she was driving an unregistered car, I didn’t resolve anything and probably made things worse.

By August 2013, the unpaid fines and penalties for late registration had risen to $900+ and she couldn’t pay.  Instead of leaving her on her own (she’s handicapped, with limited income and mental health issues for having a suicidal, depressed perspective on the world), I stressed that she WAS NOT to use the check I was writing her to pay for anything for her 3 dogs, and gave her more $.  (Lest you think I’m rich, I’m not.  It was “found” money from a bonus, so I had more than enough to “tithe” my friend 10% of the value of my hard work, and see if she was mentally together enough to follow through on a request with specific requirements.  She was not).

So, the money was spent on crazy treatments for a diabetic dog, who passed away shortly thereafter, and the car was not resolved.  I made a vow (and have managed to stick to it) to keep the friendship but not give this person any more money.  She doesn’t have a money problem.  She has a self-control or entitlement control problem.  Hey, I’m not a doctor – I just play one on the internet.  I love her and want her to be well, but her perspective is so skewed, that the professionals need to weigh in.  In America, though, it takes a lot to declare someone incompetent.  Homelessness hides a great number of mental health issues, and I don’t want her to become one of the many senior women I see begging for cash at the side of the road.

So, back to her story…  At some point, they revoked her license for failure to pay, and she kept on driving.

While I am happy to ferry her around to resolve this issue, it’s hard to be a passive assistant.  Our conversation yesterday was maddening, though, as she just doesn’t realize how out of whack and unhealthy her thinking is on this topic.  She told an insurance company that she didn’t have a license, and obtained insurance, blithely ignoring the fact that the car having insurance was not legitimizing her continuing to drive without a license. She wanted me to agree with her that she’d been robbed and betrayed, but I couldn’t.  I think I finally got through to her about why.

As frustrated as I am with her inability to get out of her own way, though, I still see how vulnerable she is, and hope to get her the senior-specific assistance she so clearly needs.  Yesterday was spent running around between the courts and the DMV to take advantage of the ticket amnesty program, and hopefully get this cleared up prior to her eviction taking place in early November.  The landord / friend was surprised that there was now no record of the tickets and specific outstanding fines, and it was nice to shut that woman up from  her, “That’s not fair!  It’ll never work” rant that goes on and on each day.

The landord / friend will evict her to the streets, but won’t involve adult protective services to get this friend the mental health assistance she clearly needs in order to find a subsidized place to live with her remaining two dogs.  Apparently, helping our mutual friend survive when there’s nothing finantially involved for herself is beyond reason.  Crazy.

So, after last weeks’ emergency room run to get my friend the mental health medicines she needs, we spent yesterday focusing on resolving another specific problem, and then finishing the evening with a grocery run so that she doesn’t have to be out walking and taking the bus on her bum leg.  Progress.

We enjoyed lunch and a movie, so that it wasn’t hard work alone, but also some socializing and fun.  Next up, I’m doing a little work today with an office peer, heading out to the Y to get in the swims I missed yesterday, and then off again with other friends for dinner and a movie.

Truly, I was tired off and on yesterday, but monitored my blood sugar and managed my food intake so that I could stay awake and safely keep on functioning.  I didn’t make it over to the Roomie’s for Project Runway, but that was ok.  I managed to make it home safely, and that’s what counts.  To day will be spent focusing on me, and tomorrow will be spent running around again.  It’s all about balance.

And ignoring my aches and pains.

Happy Friday !  I hope you’re doing what you want and finding balance in your life, too.

2 thoughts on “Today’s goals – 11am exercise class

  1. Now see? The Universe at large has stepped in and filled what you might have feared would be a void in your life that used to be filled by *job*. And I’m in no position to weigh in on your unhealthy friend there (I don’t know the woman) but I will anyway. I did that sort of thing (drove on a suspended license, got in a accident, had no insurance etc ((the ramifications weren’t as severe granted))…) but this is what I brought away from that scenario (I was in my early 20s though. I can’t even imagine doing such a thing now…says something about the level of mental health crisis your friend is in IMHO…if she’s bipolar (not saying that, I don’t know her)…she needs to be referred to Adult Protective Services NOW. If not her landlord, then by you. I brought away from my downward spiral with the DMV this lesson: Sometimes individuals have to bottom out (hit the rock bottom) before they see for themselves the damage they are doing to themselves and the world. Sometimes it’s the lesson they alone must learn.) Kudos on you being a proactive and kind friend to her, but now is the time for you to let her ‘go.’ No more money certainly…it will only continue her cycle of denial and non-compliance on her own. I know this because I lived her life at one point. And obviously compassion is a factor I’m not weighing in. It’s impossible to watch someone we care for implode and destroy themselves. But she clearly needs help beyond what you can provide for her. Good on ya for being there for her though. My admiration!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If she doesn’t have a place to move into by the end of October…
    If we are unable to get her famiy to step in…
    If her friend / landlord calls the sheriff to complete the eviction…
    And, if the sherrif doesn’t act to get her involved with APS, then I will do so.

    For now, I’m still focused on one day a week for her for elder assistance and ferrying her around. It may be foolish, but we still have time before I have to consider taking steps that will be seen as betrayal.


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