Maddening, and feeling set up. Proceeding anyway.


This picture was posted on DeviantArt, called “Pride Full View”, by ChrisSweetArt.

There’s something interesting about the use of light and shadows, and the juxtaposition of the horse set off from the house, the (rancher? pilgrim?) set off equally-distant in the opposite direction from the house, and then in the gaggle of 3 women clumped together.  Something about the spacing of the positions of the 4 key items and the light-vs.-dark aspects of the painting intrigue me.

Is it a sunset and a threatening storm?

Or, is it a clearing storm, with the brilliant warmth nearer the gaggle of women signifying hope and renewal?  A fresh start after turbulent times?  Truly the meaning is in the heart of the artist, and the thoughts it inspires in its viewers.

I chose this for today’s update to my disability leave from work, as it signifies for me so many possibilities with no clear roadmap.

Finally heard from the HR person, and she had zero to say about what the company was doing or what I should be doing.  “Is today your last day before going on leave?”  She asked.

“Yes”, I confirmed.  “Unless you’re reading the doctor’s note differently, and expect me to work part time?”

“Oh, that’s for (the insurance company) to determine.  Or your hiring manager.” She replied.

… Seriously?!!  Both my boss and I have been waiting for information from her for 5 weeks, and she’s still as helpful as a pet rock.  Zero useful input.  So, I keep my computer and tools.  I’m still covered by company medical benefits.  I’m still listed as an employee in good standing, so no systems access will be shut down.

I guess I apply for disability benefits next, since I am not going into work each day (she didn’t even know that minimal amount of “next steps” guidance).  And then we see what happens next.

The call kept cutting out, which was weird.  Maybe I was being recorded?  Whatever it was, I don’t care.  I’m moving ahead with the next steps to determine what this means for my life and my quality of life as we try and nail down the income.

Fingers crossed that this will turn out ok and be a good thing.

2 thoughts on “Maddening, and feeling set up. Proceeding anyway.

  1. From what you say about your quality of life right now, it IS a good thing. It will turn out just fine. This is the bit where you get to stretch your faith (something that is really hard to do) and just trust in whatever you do that it’s all going to be okay. Turn off the voice in your head for a little while and concentrate on the fact that it’s going to be okay. I mean SEE it being okay. This might seem pointless, but it helps. When you really start to question your choice, pull out that image and stare at it for a while and see if it doesn’t calm things down a bit. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time and before you know it, it’ll be accomplished and you might even begin to enjoy yourself. I have to work at it (because of other issues I have, not because I’m sorry I did it)…but it’s worth it and I find myself feeling a little better and I know I’m much happier than before. I hope for you that you do too! You’re doing a good, even a great thing FOR YOU. Embrace that.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s