The 11th hour before freedom

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…and finding a way to make it all work without being focused on my discomfort.

The change in meds, to go back to my December 2014 standards vs. keeping on with the medicines that helped me breathe better but also made my exhaustion and side effects worse, is improving my quality of life.

The picture above is the typical start to any day where I’m not immediately running out the door.  11 medicines to keeping my engine running, cold water and an egg and ham omlet (with ketchup) to help wash them down and keep them down.  Blood sugar testing kit before any food.  My medicine and food log.

Computer glasses, phone log and the work computer in support of any early morning meetings.

TV control gizmos to crank up or down the sound, and change channels without actually moving my butt, plus the headset for work calls on my computer.  Typical day / night set up, that’s going to be hard to stop.  I think.

Oh, and a lottery ticket for results update.  Who knows?  Today could be my lucky day.  Life changing in more than one aspect.

They finally replaced the driers in the laundry room, so I have sorted laundry all over the bathroom floor, awaiting attention.  And, after washing the kitchen floor, I can finally get access to the coins, laundry detergent and anti-static sheets to begin that series of chores while trying to multi-task my last days of working full time.

And, I need a nap.

Trying to bull my way through the daily tiredness and not fall prey to laziness / alternate sleeping schedules as I don’t have to be anywhere any time soon.  Also thinking about whether or not I’m a slacker and well enough to work…

Anyway, I tell you all that to tell you this…  I still feel like a big fat faker.

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I read positive-thinking meme’s like the one above, and make myself crazy thinking that I can just push through the tiredness and exhaustion, regardless of the statistical reality of my breathing numbers, and it’s maddening.

I will be so happy once I move on to the next phase of this process for understanding if I have to report into work each day, or if I’m accountable solely to myself (and the government for filling out the proper forms) for figuring out what happens next, where the money is going to come from, and how I’m going to afford to live.

For right now, I’m mostly focused on putting one foot in front of the other.  It’s all good.  Or, good enough.

2 thoughts on “The 11th hour before freedom

  1. The meme’s statement really works. I tried it and it does work. You just have to work IT. You’re doing fine and that putting one foot in front of the other until it’s all settled (and maybe after too) is how I got through a similar time. And you’ll find that there is plenty to keep you busy even if you don’t formally ‘work’ (had a hard time myself adjusting to that thinking). The hardest part is remaining non-judgemental about YOURSELF…rest when you need to. Your body and you have good communication it seems like, so you’re not being lazy at all. You just have reached limitations I think. But it’s also an intensely personal journey. Good for you to remember you have friends who want to walk along it with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you – I thought it was you that was practicing the positive thinking part of your therapy, and that it’s working. That’s so good to hear !

    I’m a big believer that idle hands cause problems, and this happiness meme seems to be from the same school of thought for keeping endorphins running and happiness in focus.

    Like

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