In general, I try not to be competitive.
I grew up with a mother yelling at me to slow down, to walk, so that I could stay healthy and not trigger breathing problems or fall ill with pneumonia.
All the things I like to do usually involve some level of physical exertion that can trigger problems. Including my favorite thing, singing.
Not saying that I was ever “all that” for talent, but I can generally hold a note (when I can catch a breath), and do ok. When the medicine is working, I can sing again.
When the medicine isn’t working, I can’t sing. It’s just that simple, as coughing and congestion interrupts whenever I try and hold a note too long or sing deeply from my chest. That being said, though, I still enjoy singing.
As I’m going through my post-holiday housekeeping on this Labor Day Monday night, I’m looking back at what worked and what did not for this weekend, and asking the Doc to again take me off his preferred medicine due to the side effects.
I was having a wonderful time in my Saturday morning swimming class, until it came time to play “keep away” with the beach ball. I’m not supposed to move quickly, like running, as that causes my lungs to spasm. So, it’s doubly stupid to do it in the water, as a spasm or seizing of my heart and lungs could cause me to drown.
I don’t want anyone reading this to worry – I always wear a floatation belt – but if the panic overwhelms me because I cannot breathe, it’s touch and go while I try and practice deep breathing exercises to calm down and not drown. So, I jumped after the ball and lost my breath, and everyone noticed. I did my usual of pretending to be normal, and tossed the ball away from me to divert attention, while I hung off the side of the pool wall until I had things under control once again. Biofeedback and deep breathing relaxation techniques are my first “go to” habits during any breathing crisis.
At any rate, I tell you that to ask you this – is it suicidal to NOT want to take aggressive care when it causes more problems than it solves?
I just spent this late afternoon paying bills, updating my doctor’s account, and asking him to figure out whether or not it’s better to go back to the palliative care of Theo-24 and Xopenex as a rescue inhaler if I know I’m going to be active, than to keep on taking a daily medicine that impacts my skin, sight, pain level, etc.
Don’t get me wrong – the medicines he’s prescribing are wonder drugs. But if they make me feel good to the point where I’m doing something stupid, and get caught wondering if I’m going to drop dead on the spot due to an inability to breathe, how helpful is that?
If you have an opinion on this topic, I’d love for you to jump in.
Meanwhile, I’m heading back to the grindstone. Thank heavens it’s only a 4-day week.